Clean and Calm | As within, so without

‘As within, so without’, goes the saying. Our outside world is a reflection of our inner reality, and of the lens we use to watch it. People tend to forget this, and sometimes consider themselves as helpless victims...  of ‘the government’, of ‘the past’, of ‘the boss’.  The challenge is then to re-establish the connection with your feelings, with your purpose in life. Once this relationship with yourself is restored, you’re back in the flow and feel energized, empowered. 

The same principle materializes on a more practical and physical level: if the lens is gray and our energy is stuck within, or quite the opposite, is everywhere, creating anxiety, our environment often shows a literal accumulation of dust and clutter. This creates another ‘to do’ on our list…And more feelings of helplessness and being overwhelmed.  

However, we can use this connection between outer and inner reality for our benefit as well. Let me show you how, by sharing the story of Jane.

Jane comes in. Too late, stressed and obviously hurried. She‘s in her early thirties, and asked for coaching because she feels she could use some support in prioritizing, both professionally and personally. Wanting her to feel at ease and safe, I don’t bother asking what her priority was before the session. She starts talking immediately anyway: ‘Argh, I’ve had it. I’m so busy at work, and now Tom invited his parents to come over and stay with us for a week. A week! I could handle a day, perhaps two, even a long weekend, but a week! I know they live far away, but I’m nervous when they are around, I watch myself through their eyes, and feel like such a failure! I’d love to hide behind my computer or go for yet another long-distance run, but of course I can’t do that the entire week. And the house is so disorganized, I will either need to take off from work or spend extra money on a help to get it ready before they arrive. I’m so stressed! Every morning I wake up early with a panic-attack!’

We talk, trying to find out what bothers her most and what she can do before her in-laws will arrive. After all, she has still two weeks left. She discovers the visit of her in-laws makes her feel like an intruder in her own house, because when they are around she feels how strong the relationship between Tom and his parents is. She feels excluded. We start exploring the options she has to counterbalance this feeling and to feel ‘in charge’ in her own house again. Jane eventually comes up with the idea to start with a thorough spring cleaning of the house. Together with Tom. 

‘And? How did it go?’ I ask Jane in our next session. ‘It was amazing! We used Marie Kondo’s strategy: no cleaning by room, but by category. First clothes, then books, followed by paperwork and files. Then the hard stuff: memorabilia, souvenirs, pictures. We worked like maniacs and even took a day off from work to get it done. It was such a good way to bond for us, taking all these decisions together about what was meaningful for us to keep and what wasn’t anymore. Our house became a reflection of our identity again. And by the end we felt energized, clean and calm. As without, so within!’

‘And the visit itself?’

‘The visit went well. I was calm because the house was organized. I was not afraid anymore of feeling excluded. I even took Tom’s parents to a museum on a Saturday, when Tom had an emergency at work. They took us out for dinner the next day. A very new experience, maybe we should do this every time his parents come.’ I smiled. By sorting out all the accumulated stuff at home, Jane started connecting with her own feelings again, with what was important to her. In this process, she reconnected again with Tom, and building on this, open to developing a positive attitude to his parents as well.  Flow and overflow, that’s how true energy works. 

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed? By your environment, your long to do-list, people draining you, the clutter around you? Use the connection between outer and inner reality. Start with cleaning up your physical environment. It’s hard to overestimate the positive and calming impact cleaning can have on your state of mind, and even on your sense of purpose. Try it, like Jane. Clean and calm. As within, so without, and the other way around…Re-energize!